Hello everyone, today I’m here to talk about something different from my usual, my own experience with dreams. Have a good reading!
So many times I wish I’d be dead so that I could find peace and silence at last. So many nights, in my dreams, I wander into the night alone searching for my home but I never know where my home is. Every night I dream that I’m lost and all by myself, I find myself unaware of the place I’m in, however, I always have the thought that I must go home yet I don’t know the way home! There’s always confusion and this feeling of being lost.
My dreams are, to be more exact, nightmares. I never dream of a quiet and silence place, or of a nice cosy house secluded from people or even of a lake surrounded by trees and birds! No, my dreams have a rule, houses with no windows or houses in the middle of roundabouts full of traffic noise. Each night I wander without knowing what I’m looking for or even without knowing where am I. Damn nightmares in which there’s always dogs haunting me..the bloody dogs!
One of my recurrent nightmares is the one where I’m trying to kill a specific person, over and over again, though each night the killing is done in a different way. I believe I blame that person for everything bad that happened in my life because he was never there to support me when he should.
Dreams, what are they? A reflection of our life? The release of our subconscious wishes?
Do I actually live in my dreams?… I wonder! My dreams or nightmares are so vivid that they leave me exhausted and hurt every time I wake up.
Bloody dreams that leave me restless! There’s always evil spirits who come to take me with them or to kill me. I keep struggling or fighting with them, sometimes I manage to escape them but soon they find me again.
I have no peace either when I am awake or when I’m asleep.
I must say that I’m always eager when night comes because after putting my earplugs on to sleep I try to believe that I won’t be able to hear noises any more, just the quietness, finally after a long day full of noise of all kinds. I become so anxious due to my wish to sleep properly yet it doesn’t happens since my brains doesn’t “switch off”, furthermore when sleep finally beats me another nightmare begins.
My dreams are… well they are exhausting. Some nights I fell asleep for just 15m or 1 hour, it’s hard for me to sleep a whole full night. In those sleeping moments, I run away from people ro evil things, I fight and sometimes I can actually fly and escape the demons. It’s rather wearing for me to sleep for there’s always the need to struggle or the urge to kill those who haunt me in my dreams.
My nightmares weren’t always been like this, usually I was tortured and I used to be scared and afraid but something changed and now I feel powerful though frightened.
I rarely have a special dream or a nice, pleasant dream, those are not for me, if only I could choose… On the other hand I used to have this specific dream, long ago, where I used to feel absolutely great. In this specific dream I to come out at night whenever the moon is full and beautiful, the street’s lights are on and I am in the top of a building. I let myself fall but I can fly, I have no wings of sort just my arms wide open! I fly and I walk on air, I sing while flying, I dance… I just feel so powerful and happy, I feel that I have everything I want and need! What a feeling it is to be able to see the world from above, the beauty of the star-like twinkling lights; then the rain comes yet I carry on dancing and singing. In this dream there are no monsters or demons to fight or escape from.
Dreams! Are they a revelation of our true consciousness? Some say that dreams are just dreams but I do not believe in such a simple explanation.
Some nights, in my dreams, deceased familiar people try to tell me something that I feel as being important yet I can’t hear what they are saying so I wake up abruptly with this sense of having lost my soul. Why are the dead trying to reach me?!… Maybe I shouldn’t give my dreams such importance nevertheless I remember each of them, every night, and I keep reviving them in my head.
Dreams cannot be simply dreams! Everything that happens while I’m sleeping affects me physically. Seldom, when I talk about them to any one, they all say “they are just dreams, they are over now”, wrong! My nightmares never end… perhaps they reflect what I truly feel, my distress, or … I don’t know!!!!
The Grim Reaper or Death occasionally appears, in my dreams, to tell me that he’s coming for me soon… I know that this sounds bit insane still I live each day with this weird feeling that my time is near… it might be due to my chronic illness but I don’t believe that. I know that most of you are probably thinking that we all are going to die sooner or later so what’s the fuss about? Nonetheless this sensation is too real for me to ignore. Each day I feel that I have so much to be done before my time comes even though I know I won’t be able to do it all. My illness doesn’t help, I’m aware of it, forcing me to postpone things due to pains or brain fog and so much more.
What if dreams are real? What if they are just a portal to another dimension? Some believe in extraterrestrial beings, some believe in witches or in some kind of God or Gods, some believe only in science. To be honest I doubt everything, religion is just a mean to control masses, science is knowledge but at the same time it blinds those who only perceive things through rationality for they are poor of spirit. I’m no arrogant or ignorant, I have my own beliefs. I trust we are not the only ones in the Universe nor I believe that is a God, at least not the God most people believe in, I have my own vision of what we call God; however why can’t we consider for a moment that dreams are more than just dreams? We believe is so many things yet is unthinkable to accept that dreams can be something more?!…
Well, in the end, all that I know is that my dreams leave me tired and seem to be real.
If there’s some one out there who might have a theory about what I wrote please let me know. I seek for answers for too long now, I feel that time is running out and that there’s some kind of message I haven’t been able to decipher yet.
If you have something to say do leave a comment but if you think I’m crazy or a fruitcake don’t even bother to post any comment. There’s already too much hate in this world and when we can’t help others or say something that isn’t hateful it’s better not to say anything at all.