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phantom effect

Some days I wonder why am I still alive
Is this some kind of ethereal punishment?
What have I done so wrong to suffer so much?!…
Was my crime so cruel that I have to pay for it in thus life?

So tired of fighting and believing
So drained of such struggle every day…
So exhausted of running…

The wind blows fiercely as if angry with the world
The rain pours heavily washing away all our sins
Thunders rips the skies above
Deafening me to death!

How strange is my world today
I care not any longer for me, for you, for anyone else
I weep no more for the pains I feel
I make no complaints for there’s no one there to listen to them…

I use to feel and long for better days..
I used to cry endless hours trying to purge the pain inside
I pray for Death to come and take me into its arms
I’m not afraid of what comes next, I’m scared of the present moment…

My hands are tied and I can’t wear my sword to fight injustice
My heart is broken to love and to trust once again in human nature
I am done with this world of cruelty and selfishness
There’s nothing else I can do to help myself or others…

I feel nothing,
I expect anything from anyone,
I await for my dark place…
I move my lips but no words come from them…

My heart is empty because you all took the best of me
My soul is dark for you have stolen all my hope
My dreams are no more than infinite nightmares
The road ahead only leads to one place…

I want to scream but I have no breath
I want to run but my legs won’t move
I am in desperate yet you cannot see it
I am miserable still I have to carry on pretending…

Why can’t I hide in my secret dark place?
Why can’t I rise my walls again to protect me from harm?
why this numbness? This nothingness?…
Why don’t you let me die?

Each night I die
Each morning I have to live…
Yet is Death the one I call to rescue me from this hell…
Each day I bleed inside ..

Is there any hope still, somewhere for me?
Will this pain ever come to an end?
Why can’t I see the light but just this empty darkness around me?
Why do I live when I am dead already?

If I only could rise my sword once again and face all my fears
Would I become strong again?… I wonder…

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